My Mental Health Story

Have you ever wished that the way your life happened could be different?

Most people think that I do, but actually, I wouldn’t change a thing. There have been a lot of things that should have pulled me down to nothing; but I’m still standing. In fact, I’m sharing it with people in hopes that it might help them.

I’ve realised that I’ve shared who I am and what I’m about. But, not my battle with mental health. I think it’s pretty damn important to share it.

Please note, sharing your battles is something personal, and I’m allowing myself to be vulnerable at this point. I understand that not everyone is at the same point in their journey as I am, but I guarantee that one day, you will be sharing it like a proud Grandparent. (Yeah good one lil… )

My story basically begins when I was just a child — probably 5. I would have these horrific night-terrors. I’m not going to go into what they were about, and I’m sure you all understand that. However, it left me feeling like I was never good enough for anything. Never good enough; to be a pastors daughter, to be a friend, to be loved, to be respected, to be anything really. As you all can probably imagine, this left me always trying to prove myself.

This went on for 5 years… But I never told anyone.

I have amazing parents, I love them with all my heart. They tried to protect me from anything that could hurt me. When I was born, the umbilical cord was not attached to me, they got me through that. When I fell down, they’d always teach me to get back up. When my chin was cracked open, they tried their very best to help me. However, as hard as they tried, they couldn’t protect me from the world.

The world has taught us that we are nothing but atoms, and electrical pulses. That we are here accidentally. As a Christian, I believe the opposite. That I was placed here by an almighty God, who loves and protects me. But I didn’t always believe this.

I believed I was worthless, purposeless and not worth caring for. And it was the world that taught me this. When I was 14, I started to alter the way I viewed myself, and my worth. One day, my testimony turned my life around — I won’t go into this.

Also please note, that because I am a Christian, parts of my story may seem unappealing to some people. However, please respect my opinion and beliefs — like I would any of you.

I confessed to my parents about the night-terrors that had haunted me as a child and how I was still worried about the dreams at the time. I also confessed that I thought that I needed some help, because by this point, I was so very anxious and showing signs of depression.

I spent a lot of time in doctors waiting rooms, and the psychologists offices. I was ashamed of needing help — I didn’t want to tell any of my friends what was going on.

When I was told that I was to be medicated, I realised that I shouldn’t be ashamed of what was going on in my life. I told my best friend. Unfortunately, I was surprised that she didn’t judge me, at all. (I shouldn’t have doubted it in the first place!!)

I want to encourage you all, that sharing your pain is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it is the first step to healing.

Please, don’t doubt your story! It is really meaningful.

I hope you all are well!

Until next time, Lil x